It's Not Bad Writing, But There's A Lot of Bad Words

[merrily]

I am bored, and I just read a hideous sex scene, so...



Five Things That Will Make Me Stop Reading A Piece of Fanfic

5. First-person narrative.

4. Mis-spelled words.

3. Clear ignorance of canon (Sirius does not have a doting older sister, his mum is not a nice person, Wash was leery about a pregnancy and Paul Atreides cannot make rain fall.)

2. Use (in sexual situations) of the words vulva, jism, or crack. Bitter seed won't make me run, but I'll think less of you.

1. And the thing that will most reliably prompt me to close a viewer window is:

Introductions that insist on telling us the first and last names of all the characters present, their exact location, the time of year, and details of all circumstances leading to the moment at hand. FER EXAMPLE:

It was autumn at Hogwarts Castle, and Remus Lupin, third-year wizarding student, was lying by himself in a pile of leaves near the edge of the lake, where a giant squid lived. Remus was a healthy fourteen-year old with homosexual urges. He was pining over Sirius Black, his friend and unrequited love. They hadn’t spoken in six months, ever since Sirius had set in motion events which could have led to another student’s death.

“Why did he have to do that?” Remus wondered. “Doesn’t he know I love him? And that werewolves mate for life? And that I am a werewolf?”


Other people! Tell me what makes you scram!

Comments

[beetle-breath.livejournal.com]

Hi, my name is Random Sod #765 and I came across this post through someone's friends list.

I'm just here to tell you that first POV is the worst thing ever in a fic. I won't bother going past the first sentence if I come across one.

[oddsbobs.livejournal.com]

I can't think of any right now, but your number 3 pretty much takes the cake. I read a fic once that swore it was OotP compliant, but Sirius suddenly had a sister. There was a fansite for Firefly that listed Zoe as the one leery about pregnancy. I would have emailed to correct them, but I feel it's a waste of my time. Some people... ::sigh::

[technovanilla.livejournal.com]

1. BAD GRAMMAR. And/or poor spelling.
2. Poorly handled usage of such words and phrases like 'then,' or 'after that.'
3. Crappy, extended, unrealistic dialogue.
4. When body parts do not behave as they ought. E.g., "his cock jumped to attention."
5. Sudden, out-of-character confessions of love.

And, yeah, that introduction is sort of appalling.

Cheers to bad fanfiction!

[inalasahl]

What's wrong with vulva?

[expositionary.livejournal.com]

BUT OF COURSE PAUL CAN MAKE RAIN FALL. MUAD'DIB CAN DO ANYTHING!!!

:D

Heh. Kidding. Is there really Dune fic out there, though? I went searching for it after reading and adoring the original trilogy earlier this year, and the search didn't yield much. :(

And I dearly hope that the example is not a direct quote. Though I'm sure there is stuff like that out there in fandom -- I usually try to avert my eyes also, though.

[ana-grrl.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to give first-person POV a go, if I trust the author. But generally, no. And you #1? I hate that too. And carrying it through the entire story...argh. I know who the characters are. I don't need to be told 'Lt. Karl 'Helo' Agathon was in love. He was in love with Sharon 'the cylon' Valerii, and that made things really difficult with Chief Galen Tyrol, P.O.' etc.

I will stop reading a story if I see the term 'spooge' in a sex scene. Yikes!

I also really hate the over use of taste descriptors. You know 'she tasted like strawberry ice cream with just a hint of--' and so on. It just gets on my nerves.