merrily | It's Not Bad Writing, But There's A Lot of Bad Words

I am bored, and I just read a hideous sex scene, so...

Five Things That Will Make Me Stop Reading A Piece of Fanfic

5. First-person narrative.

4. Mis-spelled words.

3. Clear ignorance of canon (Sirius does not have a doting older sister, his mum is not a nice person, Wash was leery about a pregnancy and Paul Atreides cannot make rain fall.)

2. Use (in sexual situations) of the words vulva, jism, or crack. Bitter seed won't make me run, but I'll think less of you.

1. And the thing that will most reliably prompt me to close a viewer window is:

Introductions that insist on telling us the first and last names of all the characters present, their exact location, the time of year, and details of all circumstances leading to the moment at hand. FER EXAMPLE:

It was autumn at Hogwarts Castle, and Remus Lupin, third-year wizarding student, was lying by himself in a pile of leaves near the edge of the lake, where a giant squid lived. Remus was a healthy fourteen-year old with homosexual urges. He was pining over Sirius Black, his friend and unrequited love. They hadn’t spoken in six months, ever since Sirius had set in motion events which could have led to another student’s death.

“Why did he have to do that?” Remus wondered. “Doesn’t he know I love him? And that werewolves mate for life? And that I am a werewolf?”

Other people! Tell me what makes you scram!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hi, my name is Random Sod #765 and I came across this post through someone's friends list.

I'm just here to tell you that first POV is the worst thing ever in a fic. I won't bother going past the first sentence if I come across one.

I mean, if an exceptional writer wrote or recc'd it -- fer example, if it showed up on

unfitforsociety--I'd probably push on past the first sentence. But other than that? Pfft. I smell KRAP.

I can't think of any right now, but your number 3 pretty much takes the cake. I read a fic once that swore it was OotP compliant, but Sirius suddenly had a sister. There was a fansite for Firefly that listed Zoe as the one leery about pregnancy. I would have emailed to correct them, but I feel it's a waste of my time. Some people... ::sigh::

Although, of course, when HP book seven arrives we may all be looking mournfully at our old, suddenly nonsensical fics and cursing JKR. So I try not to be too harsh.

1. BAD GRAMMAR. And/or poor spelling.
2. Poorly handled usage of such words and phrases like 'then,' or 'after that.'
3. Crappy, extended, unrealistic dialogue.
4. When body parts do not behave as they ought. E.g., "his cock jumped to attention."
5. Sudden, out-of-character confessions of love.

And, yeah, that introduction is sort of appalling.

Cheers to bad fanfiction!

Today I was reading this Herm/Draco fic that had started in a quite promising manner, where Draco was bastardy and Hermione was clever, and then it turned out to be 20 chapters of "I love you! I love your hair! You are more perfect than I ever thought any mate could ever be! Why oh why are we waiting until our wedding night?"

I don't like the pairing anyway but PLS. SAVE ME.

I'm not sure if the out-of-character confessions happen because the authors are too lazy to take the time or too foolish to realize that they're missing the mark. But I don't like 'em.

What's wrong with vulva?

I've never read it or heard it used in dialogue where it doesn't sound clinical. Although, hey, you're welcome to show me how it can be done.

I'm fond of "quim." It sounds friendly and living and has the hard "k" sound that means it can also be dirty.

Never heard quim before. Yay, new word!
As for vulva, yeah, it is a little clinical. My personal preference is to err that way.

BUT OF COURSE PAUL CAN MAKE RAIN FALL. MUAD'DIB CAN DO ANYTHING!!!

:D

Heh. Kidding. Is there really Dune fic out there, though? I went searching for it after reading and adoring the original trilogy earlier this year, and the search didn't yield much. :(

And I dearly hope that the example is not a direct quote. Though I'm sure there is stuff like that out there in fandom -- I usually try to avert my eyes also, though.

The "Paul cannot make rain fall" was a cheap shot at David Lynch. At the end of the (wretched) Dune movie, he has Paul shudder in concentration and the heavens open, a move which would have destroyed Dune's ecosystem. Stupid! David! Lynch! (I still suspect he only did the movie because Frank Herbert included a dwarf in the book.)

I haven't looked for Dune fic, although I'm itching to write a Dune/Firefly crossover. Also, you knew that Frank Herbert wrote five (not three) Dune books, didn't you? Chapterhouse (the last one) is my favourite of them all, and I highly recommend Heretics, too. But you can skip his son's contribution to the 'verse, which are poor imitations of his father's work. I wish they were otherwise, but Frank had a grand vision for ecological allegory and excellent character insight, and his son has neither.

Lastly, no, that introduction is purely my work. :-)

Ah. See, I only got halfway through watching the miniseries before I gave up. It wasn't as bad as some I'd seen, but it wasn't half as good as the books, and so it just wasn't worth it. Also the DVD was sort of overdue and I had to return it. I'm glad I didn't watch the movie at all, though, it might have made me cry...

!!! I thought that Heretics and Chapterhouse were part of that set of worthless novels his son co-wrote -- now I have two more Dune books to read. Apparently I wasn't doing my research well enough. Thank you thank you for enlightening me. :D

I find the ecological aspects of the Dune novels quite interesting, actually. I convinced a few of my friends to read the books; they liked them but looked at me like I was insane when I said I'd read through the appendix.

I'm willing to give first-person POV a go, if I trust the author. But generally, no. And you #1? I hate that too. And carrying it through the entire story...argh. I know who the characters are. I don't need to be told 'Lt. Karl 'Helo' Agathon was in love. He was in love with Sharon 'the cylon' Valerii, and that made things really difficult with Chief Galen Tyrol, P.O.' etc.

I will stop reading a story if I see the term 'spooge' in a sex scene. Yikes!

I also really hate the over use of taste descriptors. You know 'she tasted like strawberry ice cream with just a hint of--' and so on. It just gets on my nerves.

I mean, it's not like there are good words for semen, but it does rank as one of the grossest.

Also, I found a fantastic lst person narrative fic in the HP fandom as soon as I posted this, because the universe wanted to point out I can be wrong.

But, you know, I've never found a first-person Firefly fic that worked. Have you? Actually, I don't remember reading any first-person Firefly fic.

It's seriously one of the most rank words. I think you missed it because we all try to pretend the word doesn't exist!

I don't think I've ever seen a first-person Firefly fic. Not that I remember. No. Wait. I think I've seen a Vera first-person fic. It worked, because it was Vera.

You know what else I really hate? 'ministrations'. I hate when I see that in a fic. It's so clunky!

"First-person Vera fic"!?!?!?!?!

What? Where? How did I not see that?

You know, I can't for the life of me remember. Dang!

Me too with the taste descriptors. Or visual descriptors. Either remind me of Grade Eleven creative writing classes, where my teacher obviously realized she couldn't teach style, so she'd substitute flagrant over-use of adjectives.

Sometimes the taste/visual descriptors can really work - but only if they're lightly used, and generally, if they're used in a playful, almost ironic way. Does that make sense? But so many of them are cliches - 'a hint of mint with that taste uniquely [character's] own' kind of thing, and yikes. That is all.

It's Not Bad Writing, But There's A Lot of Bad Words

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'strue

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I agree

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yis and yis (to your #5)

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Really?

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:-)

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How did I miss "spooge"?

Re: How did I miss "spooge"?

Re: How did I miss "spooge"?

Re: How did I miss "spooge"?

also

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