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merrilyI am bored, and I just read a hideous sex scene, so...
Five Things That Will Make Me Stop Reading A Piece of Fanfic
5. First-person narrative.
4. Mis-spelled words.
3. Clear ignorance of canon (Sirius does not have a doting older sister, his mum is not a nice person, Wash was leery about a pregnancy and Paul Atreides cannot make rain fall.)
2. Use (in sexual situations) of the words vulva, jism, or crack. Bitter seed won't make me run, but I'll think less of you.
1. And the thing that will most reliably prompt me to close a viewer window is:
Introductions that insist on telling us the first and last names of all the characters present, their exact location, the time of year, and details of all circumstances leading to the moment at hand. FER EXAMPLE:
It was autumn at Hogwarts Castle, and Remus Lupin, third-year wizarding student, was lying by himself in a pile of leaves near the edge of the lake, where a giant squid lived. Remus was a healthy fourteen-year old with homosexual urges. He was pining over Sirius Black, his friend and unrequited love. They hadn’t spoken in six months, ever since Sirius had set in motion events which could have led to another student’s death.
“Why did he have to do that?” Remus wondered. “Doesn’t he know I love him? And that werewolves mate for life? And that I am a werewolf?”
Other people! Tell me what makes you scram!
Five Things That Will Make Me Stop Reading A Piece of Fanfic
5. First-person narrative.
4. Mis-spelled words.
3. Clear ignorance of canon (Sirius does not have a doting older sister, his mum is not a nice person, Wash was leery about a pregnancy and Paul Atreides cannot make rain fall.)
2. Use (in sexual situations) of the words vulva, jism, or crack. Bitter seed won't make me run, but I'll think less of you.
1. And the thing that will most reliably prompt me to close a viewer window is:
Introductions that insist on telling us the first and last names of all the characters present, their exact location, the time of year, and details of all circumstances leading to the moment at hand. FER EXAMPLE:
It was autumn at Hogwarts Castle, and Remus Lupin, third-year wizarding student, was lying by himself in a pile of leaves near the edge of the lake, where a giant squid lived. Remus was a healthy fourteen-year old with homosexual urges. He was pining over Sirius Black, his friend and unrequited love. They hadn’t spoken in six months, ever since Sirius had set in motion events which could have led to another student’s death.
“Why did he have to do that?” Remus wondered. “Doesn’t he know I love him? And that werewolves mate for life? And that I am a werewolf?”
Other people! Tell me what makes you scram!
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How did I miss "spooge"?
Date: 2006-08-24 05:14 pm (UTC)Also, I found a fantastic lst person narrative fic in the HP fandom as soon as I posted this, because the universe wanted to point out I can be wrong.
But, you know, I've never found a first-person Firefly fic that worked. Have you? Actually, I don't remember reading any first-person Firefly fic.
Re: How did I miss "spooge"?
Date: 2006-08-24 05:18 pm (UTC)I don't think I've ever seen a first-person Firefly fic. Not that I remember. No. Wait. I think I've seen a Vera first-person fic. It worked, because it was Vera.
You know what else I really hate? 'ministrations'. I hate when I see that in a fic. It's so clunky!
Re: How did I miss "spooge"?
Date: 2006-08-24 05:36 pm (UTC)What? Where? How did I not see that?
Re: How did I miss "spooge"?
Date: 2006-08-24 05:43 pm (UTC)