merrily | Reading

Today's poem:

I Have News for You

There are people who do not see a broken playground swing
as a symbol of ruined childhood

and there are people who don't interpret the behavior
of a fly in a motel room as a mocking representation of their thought process.

There are people who don't walk past an empty swimming pool
and think about past pleasures unrecoverable

and then stand there blocking the sidewalk for other pedestrians.
I have read about a town somewhere in California where human beings

do not send their sinuous feeder roots
deep into the potting soil of others' emotional lives

as if they were greedy six-year-olds
sucking the last half-inch of milkshake up through a noisy straw;

and other persons in the Midwest who can kiss without
debating the imperialist baggage of heterosexuality.

Do you see that creamy, lemon-yellow moon?
There are some people, unlike me and you,

who do not yearn after fame or love or quantities of money as
unattainable as that moon;
thus, they do not later
have to waste more time
defaming the object of their former ardor.

Or consequently run and crucify themselves
in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha.

I have news for you—
there are people who get up in the morning and cross a room

and open a window to let the sweet breeze in
and let it touch them all over their faces and bodies.

--Tony Hoagland

*

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Mets vs Phillies on tv

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: lonely

china_shop

Previous poll review
In the vegetables poll, 90.4% of respondents clicked fresh vegetables (bought), 46.2% clicked frozen vegetables, and 44.2% clicked fresh vegetables (homegrown). I was surprised; I thought more people would go frozen for the convenience. (I wonder what that says, if anything, about Dreamwidth demographics.)

In ticky-boxes, hugs came first with 78.8%, followed by a tie between "hanging in there until things settle down and I can sort my life out" and "sunbeams playing in a tree, daring each other to peek around the shadowed side" with 63.5% each. Thank you for your votes!

Reading
Still going on The Horse and His Boy (I am slow and distractable) and the Guardian novel read-along (it's on a schedule). Nothing in audio.

Kdramas
We started Tale of the Nine Tailed, a sweeping epic about a powerful immortal, the reincarnated love of his life, and his bratty younger brother. (Nothing at all like Guardian the novel, why do you ask?) I'm hoping it has enough plot and worldbuilding to hold Andrew's interest; he gets bored during extended romance scenes.

More of Sell Your Haunted House with Pru. And in solo-watching, I started Heesu in Class 2; it's pretty adorable, but also Heesu is the living embodiment of Idiots In Love, and sometimes I have to watch through my fingers.

Other TV
This week's Doctor Who

was very silly and meta, set against a background of ominous racism. Hm. But I did enjoy the jokes, and Belinda is great.

Episode 1 of Sherlock & Daughter. We were just going to try out the first ten minutes to get a sense of it, but we ended up watching the whole episode. I can forgive Holmes for being a grumpy old man when he has a reason for it.

Our Deadloch rewatch-with-a-friend continues, plus Jentry Chau vs the Underworld, about which I still have no opinion.

My sister and I watched Into the Night (1985 film; Michelle Pfeiffer, Jeff Goldblum, and a vast number of film directors as extras, the only one of whom I knew on sight was Jim Henson). The caper was silly, and the romance plotline was very thin, but Goldblum and Pfeiffer are so watchable that it hung together despite the weird pacing when it lingered on random extras we were supposed to recognise. Lovely to see David Bowie in a small (albeit violently psychotic) role.

Guardian/Fandom
I archived my Murderbot flashficlet, and wow, Murderbot fans are generous with their kudosing. *hearts so much* (In my experience, some fandoms are just more kudosy than others.)

Audio entertainment
I listened my way through all of The Setup, a romance audiodrama about Juan, an anxious art museum curator in NYC, and Fernando, the con artist who's trying to steal a painting. It's great! I'm really into it. And then I got to the end of the available episodes and realised it's not finished yet, ahhhhh! I need to check these things before I start!

(Is it just me or are depictions of anxiety becoming more common in romances? I feel like there's some wish fulfilment going on: people longing to meet The One who is hot, super into them, and will also be incredibly kind and patient and give them effective tips for handling their panic attacks. Not that romances aren't all about wish fulfilment, so why not? Add dimensions to your dream partner!)

Writing/making things
My little 4k exchange fic is becoming somewhat tortured by all the writing advice I'm trying to enact on it. Hopefully I'm not engineering the spark out of the thing. Also, hopefully I emerge from this process wiser and more capable. (It could happen!) Note to self: this story still doesn't have an ending, oops.

Other than that, I'm spending a lot of my life rolling around in meta discussions, yay!

Life/health/mental state things
Oh, look, let's not even talk about it. /o\

Note to self: I had a flu jab on Saturday.

Online life
I'm switching ISPs on Friday. Wish me luck! If I disappear off the face of the internet, that will be why.

Food
Today marks my first attempt at baked potatoes in the slow cooker. *fingers crossed* I forgot to prickle them with a fork before I wrapped them in foil, so who knows.

Good things
Fandom. Writing. Lunchtime dumplings on the back deck. Cephalopod plushies. Queer audiodramas. Friends coming over to watch stuff. Guardian. Home-made salsa. Trivia quizzes. Music and kindness and laughter and love.

Poll #33020 face blindness extrapolation

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 41

View Respondents

Do you have face-blindness?

View Answers

yes
2 (4.9%)

technically no, but it's not unusual for me to get people confused
23 (56.1%)

especially when they're dressed the same
13 (31.7%)

no
11 (26.8%)

I mix up similar usernames
13 (31.7%)

honestly, they don't have to be that similar
11 (26.8%)

other
1 (2.4%)

ticky-box full of black cats slinking mysteriously in the shadows
27 (65.9%)

ticky-box full of starting a howl
14 (34.1%)

ticky-box of overthinking
20 (48.8%)

ticky-box full of squirrel-dragons with floofy tails, guarding their golden acorns
21 (51.2%)

ticky-box full of hugs
32 (78.0%)

china_shop

( One link behind the cut )

musesfool

Monday miscellany:

- So what are the odds we get an antipope this time in addition to a pope?

- Sepinwall gave season 2 of Andor a good review (minor spoilers, I guess) - the first 3 episodes drop tomorrow and it sounds like they are doing 3 episodes a week for 4 weeks, as each one comprises a mini-arc. Trying not to get spoiled on the internet is sure to be a nightmare.

- I haven't done the AO3 stats meme regularly since 2018 because not much changes in my top 10. In 2021, however, I made note of some up-and-comers in the 11-20 slots, and it turns out that as of 4/20/25, Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc (i.e., the one where Dick convinces Jason to stop killing through the power of hugs) has crept into the top 10 by hits - it's number 9! (It looks like Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough) (the Steve/Bucky remix AU where Steve finds Bucky working as a barista) is the one that fell out of the top 10.)

Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc also made inroads into the top 10 by kudos, landing at number 5! Additionally, 2 Star Wars stories also found their way into the top 10 by kudos: There's Still Time to Change the Road You're On (in which Anakin time travels to the post-RotJ era and meets his kids) at 6, and deep as a secret nobody knows (AU where Leia tells Vader she's Padme's daughter and it changes everything) at number 8!

The 3 Avengers stories that dropped are again, Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough), plus Even a Miracle Needs a Hand (Clint/Darcy fake Christmas boyfriend), and with the lights out, it's less dangerous (Steve/Bucky, then and now).

According to these posts, I did not previously do the full list by comments, but I will note the appearance of deep as a secret nobody knows at number 3 on the comments list, and another Vader-and-Leia AU, Just a Little Bit of History Repeating, at number 10, with the VMars/Avengers crossover we travel without seatbelts on sitting pretty at number 7.

So I guess given enough time, these things CAN change.

- Today's poem:

Nothing Will Warn You
by Stephen Dunn

Nothing will warn you,
not even the promise of severe weather
or the threats of neighbors muttered
under their breath, unheard by the sonar

in you that no longer functions.
You'll be expecting blue skies, perhaps
a picnic at which you'll be anticipating
a reward for being the best handler

of raw meat in a county known
for its per capita cases of salmonella.
You'll have no memory of those women
with old grievances nor will you guess

that small bulge in one of their purses
could be a derringer. You'll be opening
a cold one, thinking this is the life,
this is the very life I've always wanted.

Nothing will warn you,
no one will blurt out that this picnic
is no picnic, the clouds in the west
will be darkly billowing toward you,

and you will not hear your neighbors'
conspiratorial whispers. You'll be
readying yourself to tell the joke
no one has ever laughed at, the joke

someone would have told you by now
is only funny if told on yourself, but no one
has ever liked you enough to say so.
Even your wife never warned you.

***

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Good Times, Bad Times = Led Zeppelin

james

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resonant

For the New House by Ursula K. Le Guin

May this house be full of kitchen smells
and shadows and toys and nests of mice
and roars of rage and waterfalls of tears
and deep sexual silences and sounds
of mysterious origin never explained
and troves and keepsakes and a lot of junk
and a flowing like a warm wind only slower
blowing the leaves of trees and books and the fish-years
of a child’s life silvery flickering
quick, quick, in the slow incessant gust
that billows out the curtains for a moment
all those years from now, ago.
May the sills and doorframes
be in blessing blest at every passing.
May the roof but not the rooms know rain.
May the windows know clearly
the branch and flower of the apple tree.
And may you be in this house
as the music is in the instrument.

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: stressed

china_shop

The Writing Excuses podcast is doing a series on voice (first, third limited, third omniscient), and mostly their discussions have been great. I've enjoyed them a lot. But I found today's episode on second person (2ndPOV) unsatisfying. They got distracted talking about video games, TTRPG, online recipe essays, and Youtube influencers, and when they did discuss fictional prose, they seemed to think the "you" character had to be a reader stand-in. (Or maybe I misunderstood? Quite possible!) Anyway, now I'm itching to ~~procrastinate on my story~~ talk with like-minded souls about the joys of second person.

Note: If you not into 2ndPOV, that's totally cool. Each to their own! But please don't chime in to tell me or explain why; I'm not interested in defending it today.

( Rambling, so much rambling. )

ION, Andrew sent me a link to Secrets of Writing Snappy Dialogue (Banter) (Youtube video). At first I was resistant, but then I watched it and now I'm overhauling my 4k fic AGAIN. This is killing me, lol.

siria

Another year has gone by! It's meme time.

First up, ordered by hits.

( Annual AO3 Meme )

As is traditional to say: no huge movement and no new entries. I continue to be surprised at how many readers my H50 fics still get, and at how consistent the increments are annually. A fic that gets about 270 hits one year got about 250 the year before; a fic that gets 230 kudos this year got about 240 the year before. There does seem to be a comparative slackening in interest in MCU fics, though.

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: calm

musesfool

I made these confetti cookies from Smitten Kitchen this afternoon (pic), but unfortunately, they are way too sweet for me. They are really easy to put together though, especially with the food processor, since you don't need to soften the butter and cream cheese before you get started, and there's no need to chill them before baking.

In other news, I watched the 3 available episodes of season 3 of Leverage: Redemption and enjoyed them, though there was some cognitive dissonance in seeing Noah Wyle as Harry Wilson after 15 intense episodes of The Pitt. Aldis Hodge gets more handsome every time I see him, and the gloves have come off in terms of the writing - they are not even playing anymore about how stuff that is legal still isn't right. Plus, there have been some fun guest stars: ( casting spoilers ) I look forward to the rest of the season!

***

I haven't posted any Neruda in a while, so here's today's poem:

Sonnet XLVI

Of all the stars I admired, drenched
in various rivers and mists,
I chose only the one I love.
Since then I sleep with the night.

Of all the waves, one wave and another wave,
green sea, green chill, branchings of green,
I chose only the one wave,
the indivisible wave of your body.

All the waterdrops, all the roots,
all the threads of light gathered to me here;
they came to me sooner or later.

I wanted your hair, all for myself.
From all the graces my homeland offered
I chose only your savage heart.

-Pablo Neruda
(Trans. ???)

***

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Mets vs Cards on tv

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: determined

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: nostalgic

musesfool

I decided to make the King Arthur pretzel rolls again today (well, half the recipe to make 4 hero-shaped buns) - they only require a first rise of 1 hour and a second of 15 minutes so I could start them at 3 pm and be eating by 5:30. I proofed the dough in this nice bowl I have that has its own lid, and I did it in the unheated oven with the oven light on (I've never done it like that before but I've seen it recommended a few places), and about 50 minutes in, there was a loud popping sound, and it turned out that the carbon dioxide produced by the rising dough popped the lid right off! That had never happened to me before! I figured if that was happening, the dough was proved and it was. They turned out delicious. Definitely recommended.

Here's today's poem:

Singe

I read the tops of the poems, ten or twenty lines down.

In the beginning of the book, a man is leaving his wife
for a lover. By the end, the lover is tired of the man, who wonders
if he made a mistake. The book has the quality of a diary,
the beginnings of poems imply the ends of other poems, other days,
this is a man to know in the morning.

It's raining here, where the book lives for now, and the mood
of fog fits the sadness of the book, I hold it out the window,
bring it back and dry it off with my shirt.

I know a woman who knows the poet. I call her and ask
which tops of poems are true. She wants to know why I don't
finish the poems. I tell her I dreamed last night
I work inside a steam shovel, that the tops of the poems
are my sky, my white clouds. It's impossible to talk
to just one poet, and I'll feel the ears
of people I don't know floating behind me for a week.

There are two children in the book. They must be in college by now,
married or incapable of marriage. I believe the poet was honest
about their names, I consider finding and e-mailing them,
asking if they felt betrayed or like rock stars, some other kind
of celebrity, I suddenly want to know if they play tennis
or like Pop Tarts, if either drove up to see their father
and threw the book at his head, the stab marks on the cover
making him break down and apologize for the hurt, not the poems.

Calvino had an idea for a book that appeared to have been pulled
from a fire. What wasn't there would be as much of the story
as the little bells, the indentations of eye teeth in a pencil,
the shape of wind against a sheet. The bottom of this book
is on fire, is where the lies have fallen, where someone
tells someone they were never loved, where a body is rhapsodized
as the font of renewal, and eight pages later, deplored as snare.

I devise solace for the book: we should count birds, I tell it,
should ride a horse, you and I. Some other time I'll read
the bottom only, read this life and turn each page
with both hands, carry the words in the basket of my flesh,
carry them over, carry them safe, some other time, nor was it ever
too late.

—Bob Hicok

***

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: Mets vs Cards on tv

james

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princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: shocked

musesfool

Today's poem:

The Game
by Lorna Crozier

So many conversations between
the tall grass and the wind.
A child hides in that sound,
hunched small
as a rabbit, knees tucked
to her chest, head on her knees,
yet she's not asleep.

She is waiting with a patience
I had long forgotten,
hair wild with grass seeds,
skin silvery with dust.

It was my brother's game.
He was the one who counted,
and I, seven years younger,
the one who hid.

When I ran from the yard,
he found his gang of friends
and played kick-the-can
or caught soft spotted frogs
at the creek so summer-slow.

As darkness fell,
from the kitchen door
someone always called my name.
He was there before me
at the supper table;
milk in his glass
and along his upper lip
glowing like moonlight.
You're so good at that, he'd say,
I couldn't find you.

Now I wade through
hip-high bearded grass
to where she sits so still,
lay my larger hand
upon her shoulder.

Above the wind I say,
You're it,
then kneel beside her
and with the patience
that has lived so long in this body,
clean the dirt from her nose and mouth,
separate the golden speargrass from her hair.

*

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Homewrecked - Empires

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: annoyed

musesfool

I was doing so good with reading books again but alas, I have had the 2nd Finlay Donovan book open in the same spot for a week and instead have been reading fic or watching tv. So have some quick thoughts on TV I have watched:

Silo: I enjoyed this - the first season is better, but the second season has its moments! Unfortunately, Steve Zahn is like a BEC for me, so that put a damper on parts of season 2. Like, he's a decent actor or whatever but he makes me want to turn off my TV every time I hear his voice.

The Residence: I enjoyed this a lot and I hope they make as many seasons of it as Uzo Aduba wants, perhaps in really fancy buildings every time, though I hope they are slightly tighter in terms of story telling - 8 episodes was slightly too much imo.

Abbott Elementary: this season has been a lot of fun and I will be watching the finale tonight!

Elsbeth: still enjoying this also, though I've been doling out the episodes more slowly now that I'm like only 1 behind the current episode.

Severance: I have avoided saying much about this show since for me it's a very mixed bag (great acting, beautiful cinematography, wonky pacing, questionable writing) and I know a lot of people love it, but I hope Tramell Tillman has a long, highly decorated career as a leading man in action movies, musicals, rom-coms, and whatever else his heart desires. I am also always happy to see Dichen Lachman on screen!

Wheel of Time: I have been enjoying this as well, though 8 episodes feels too short given everything that they are covering (note: I haven't read the books and currently don't plan to). ( spoilers ) Let them all sing more! The singing has been GREAT.

And lastly, here's today's poem:

Object Permanence
by Hala Alya

This neighborhood was mine first. I walked each block twice:
drunk, then sober. I lived every day with legs and headphones.
It had snowed the night I ran down Lorimer and swore I'd stop
at nothing. My love, he had died. What was I supposed to do?
I regret nothing. Sometimes I feel washed up as paper. You're
three years away. But then I dance down Graham and
the trees are the color of champagne and I remember -
There are things I like about heartbreak, too, how it needs
a good soundtrack. The way I catch a man's gaze on the L
and don't look away first. Losing something is just revising it.
After this love there will be more love. My body rising from a nest
of sheets to pick up a stranger's MetroCard. I regret nothing.
Not the bar across the street from my apartment; I was still late.
Not the shared bathroom in Barcelona, not the red-eyes, not
the songs about black coats and Omaha. I lie about everything
but not this. You were every streetlamp that winter. You held
the crown of my head and for once I won't show you what
I've made. I regret nothing. Your mother and your Maine.
Your wet hair in my lap after that first shower. The clinic
and how I cried for a week afterwards. How we never chose
the language we spoke. You wrote me a single poem and in it
you were the dog and I the fire. Remember the courthouse?
The anniversary song. Those goddamn Kmart towels. I loved them,
when did we throw them away? Tomorrow I'll write down
everything we've done to each other and fill the bathtub
with water. I'll burn each piece of paper down to silt.
And if it doesn't work, I'll do it again. And again and again and -

***

Current Mood: thoughtful

james

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china_shop

( US political shitshow behind the cut (Youtube video & news link) )

And while I'm at it, ( shitty news from the UK, too )

runpunkrun

I Just Got a Kitten. What Do I Do?: How to Buy, Train, Understand, and Enjoy Your Kitten, by Mordecai Siegal:

Why do all these books with titles like What The Heck Do I Do With This Kitten??? insist on starting with a lengthy explanation of what cats are, how they work, and where to find them? I already have a kitten or I wouldn't have picked up this book which seemed to understand that I Just Got A Kitten.

It's a good resource if you're going to get a kitten and want advice on how to pick one and what to do once you've brought the guy home, but if you already have a kitten in hand, the last two chapters are the most relevant.

Fun Fact: The kitten on the cover of this book looks almost exactly like my kitten, though this kitten is fuzzier, and mine started out that small but has since tripled in size.

musesfool

I'm pretty sure I'm going to stay home for Easter this year, so now I need to decide what I'm going to cook. I thought about making the fancy French chicken, or maybe a traditional ham, or I could make crepes for breakfast and then manicotti for dinner (though that seems like a lot of work). I also want to bake something but what? A strawberry galette? Some other strawberry tart type thing (using frozen strawberries)? Strawberry sticky buns? Clearly my brain has focused in on something strawberry but it doesn't have to be! Small batch cheesecake? Confetti cookies? or maybe I will bake some more bread? I'm off both Friday and Monday, so there's time to do several different things, but I just need to decide what and then tailor my shopping list accordingly.

Work continues to be super busy thanks to the search committee stuff on top of all our other work, but aside from some scheduling that is going to be a nightmare, we should have a couple of weeks off from dealing with meetings with them.

Here's today's poem:

Water on Mars
by Clare McDonnell

for Susan

Mars has the memory of water
carved into her parched rock.

Does she remember rivers;
their silkiness, their languid drawl,
their flux and gush, their roar,
clots of frogspawn, green weeds waving?
Did she understand the pebble talk of water,
delight in the twinkle of sun and shade
and the sudden shimmer of fish?

Was there once someone there
who saw a lake as flat as a polished table,
the surface so tense that insects hardly
dented it, darting between lily pads?
Did he notice how wrinkles halo out when
a swallow dips for flies, or how the breeze
strews handfuls of sparkle over the water?

Was there an enormous ocean there
whose curled tongue was shredded on rocks?
Did it suck the sand from beneath a poet's feet
leaving him in unsteady wonder?
Did his child cup handfuls of spilled sun
from its surface, let it seep through her fingers
to become water again, licking her ankles?

In winter, did rain slap him with glass hands?
In summer, did it finger his face softly,
bring back aromas to dryness,
plump up the wall's cushion of moss?
And when it stopped, did each lupin leaf
hold a diamond between its fingers,
was the fissure a stream, did the red rock steam?

***

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Mets vs Twins on tv

china_shop

Previous poll review
In the Lists poll, 59.3% of respondents make to-do lists on their phone/computer/device, 40.7% use scraps of paper, and 18.5% have a planner or other organisational system. (These options are obviously not mutually exclusive.) "I park items on my to-do list so I don't have to worry about forgetting them" was the most popular purpose of to-do lists, with 61.1%, followed by 44.4% who refer to their to-do lists and try to complete the items thereon, and 24.1% who agree with me that "putting an item on the list is sort of the same as doing the thing."

In ticky-boxes, hugs came first with 75.9%, followed by a near-four-way tie. Thank you for your votes! <3

Reading
Am I reading anything except Guardian? Doesn't seem like it. ETA: Just started A Horse and his Boy by C.S. Lewis.

~~Kdramas~~ Asian dramas
I'm watching my first Japanese drama, Aoshima-kun is a Bully!, on VIKI. It's a sweet m/f office romance with a 9-year age gap. The production values aren't super-shiny, but it hangs together fine. I like older woman/younger man stories for a number of reasons; it might be the first drama I've seen where the woman is like, yes, I do like you, and it's nice when you stay over, but also I really miss having tons of alone time. And I like that the male lead keeps turning to his two step-mothers for relationship advice, aw. Non-standard family relationships for the win!

More of the Sell Your Haunted House rewatch.

Other TV
Finished The Pitt, which was as excellent as everyone's been saying. The ending felt earned, and I'm glad they gave it space to breathe. Now Andrew and I are floundering a bit, unsure what to watch next. (We've spent the last couple of evenings listening to Youtube writing lectures, see below.) We're up to episode 3 of Doc, which is fine but by-the-numbers, and suffers greatly in comparison to The Pitt.

Still watching Krapopolis. Losing interest in Ghosts (UK), though it's interesting discussing why it isn't working for us. Started The Dope Thief, but I was finding the bad decisions and impending disaster too stressful and couldn't finish episode 1. The new Doctor Who, which, the main characters were great, and everything else feels messy to me.

A friend came over, and we watched the first episodes of Deadloch (a rewatch for me) and Jentry Chau vs the Underworld which I was too tired to judge.

Also: Frankie and Johnny (1985) starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Al Pacino, a romance in which the female lead should have taken out a restraining order (interesting comparing it to Aoshima-kun, in which "mature woman stays single" is presented as a viable choice, not a death sentence), and Dead Again (1991) a "neo-noir romantic thriller" starring Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh as reincarnated lovers who look identical to their past-life selves (so I couldn't help connecting the dots to Guardian in that regard). Neither film has aged well.

Guardian/Fandom
Working on my 520 Day Guardian fic. Having some lovely discussions on

sid_guardian. Didn't sign up for

bitesizedfandomsex in the end, because the sign-up summary didn't look promising. That's okay.

Audio entertainment
Writing Excuses this week was about 3rd person omniscient, and it made me go back and start to re-read this week's Guardian chapters with voice in mind. Wow, priest is so good at this. It feels very natural, even to me who mostly reads 3rd limited. The example that came to mind most when I was listening to the podcast was actually The Spear Cuts Through Water, where a lot of the omniscient/non-main-character voices are there to support the worldbuilding and theme; that works so well. But in Guardian, it's not a theme thing; priest is just telling the story.

The Daily Stoic on Virtue Ethics, which wasn't as explanatory as I was hoping.

And a bunch of Brandon Sanderson's Youtube lectures on plotting which, as I've mentioned previously, I'm trying to apply to a 4k fic. (I broke it into segments and reassembled them, theoretically with more build/progression; now let's see if this thing will fly.)

Writing/making things
My writing energy is pretty good. I'm getting things done and having a good time doing so. I have two things I want to finish this week (one is most of the way there; the other, I'd be happy if I could get a complete draft), and if I have time after that, I'll write another flashfic for the Pink round on

fan_flashworks. I'm thinking of doing something with P!nk song titles or lyrics.

Life/health/mental state things
I seem to be permanently not on top of things, ahhhhh! How is it mid-April already?? Every so often I look at my consolidated to-do list and go, "Okay, okay, I did a couple of these ~~by accident~~, I can cross them off." I don't think that's how to-do lists are supposed to work.

I did manage to get my four-year term submission in yesterday, so that's something. (It was very cranky.)

Cats
Halle's on 3x daily medication for the next 5-7 days. She is so good about it. I can't get over how chill and compliant she is, especially compared to our previous demon siblings.

Korean
I got a bilingual children's picture book out of the library, and yeah, it's above my (very low) reading level. But I've also printed out the Korean subs for episode 8 of Guardian, and that's a bit more successful, since I know pretty well how it goes. I just need to make some more time.

Good things
Biking weather. Library books. Writing. Guardian. Guardian fanart. Cooking experiments. Podcasts and Youtube. Polls. Movie night with my sister. Figuring out I can play file types that aren't supported by my TV through my Blueray player. Flowering hibiscus and fruiting lemon tree. Boy and cat.

Poll #32985 vegetables

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 52

View Respondents

In general

View Answers

fresh vegetables, bought
47 (90.4%)

fresh vegetables, homegrown
23 (44.2%)

frozen vegetables
24 (46.2%)

no vegetables
2 (3.8%)

other
4 (7.7%)

ticky-box of hanging in there until things settle down and I can sort my life out
33 (63.5%)

ticky-box of a lion librarian strangely obsessed with books/DVDs/resources on penguins
24 (46.2%)

ticky-box full of polls
25 (48.1%)

ticky-box full of sunbeams playing in a tree, daring each other to peek around the shadowed side
33 (63.5%)

ticky-box full of hugs
41 (78.8%)

resonant

If you sometimes have blood in your urine, even just a bit, even just now and then, and you test negative for a urinary tract infection, ask your doctor if you need to see a urologist. If it happens twice (especially if you smoke), TELL your doctor you need to see a urologist.

I've just had my follow-up appointment from having a small cancerous growth removed from my bladder. I'm fine! I feel fine! My prognosis is fine! But I'm glad we caught it early and wish I had gone to a specialist even earlier.

The doctor compared this procedure to removing a malignant mole from your arm or a polyp they find during a colonoscopy, so as procedures go this was a pretty simple one.

I now have to have a cytoscopy to watch for regrowth, and after four years the frequency will go down but I'll have to have them annually for the rest of my life, just another annual thing like a Pap or a mammogram.

I would have pursued more healthcare if I hadn't been scared. So if you're scared the way I was, I'll put some details below the cut; if you're squeamish, maybe don't click that arrow.

( cut for gross stuff )

musesfool

Today's poem:

The Five Stages of Grief
by Linda Pastan

The night I lost you
someone pointed me towards
the Five Stages of Grief.
Go that way, they said,
it's easy, like learning to climb
stairs after the amputation.
And so I climbed.
Denial was first.
I sat down at breakfast
carefully setting the table
for two. I passed you the toast—
you sat there. I passed
you the paper—you hid
behind it.
Anger seemed more familiar.
I burned the toast, snatched
the paper and read the headlines myself.
But they mentioned your departure,
and so I moved on to
Bargaining. What could I exchange
for you? The silence
after storms? My typing fingers?
Before I could decide, Depression
came puffing up, a poor relation
its suitcase tied together
with string. In the suitcase
were bandages for the eyes
and bottles of sleep. I slid
all the way down the stairs
feeling nothing.
And all the time Hope
flashed on and off
in defective neon.
Hope was my uncle's middle name,
he died of it. After a year I am still climbing,
though my feet slip
on your stone face.
The treeline
has long since disappeared;
green in a color
I have forgotten.
But now I see what I am climbing
towards: Acceptance,
written in capital letters,
a special headline:
Acceptance,
its name in lights.
I struggle on,
waving and shouting.
Below, my whole life spreads its surf,
all the landscapes I've ever known
or dreamed of. Below
a fish jumps: the pulse
in your neck.
Acceptance. I finally
reach it.
But something is wrong.
Grief is a circular staircase.
I have lost you.

***

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Mets vs Twins on tv

dirty_diana

gip!

Do people still make gratuitous icon posts? Anyway I watched Rivals which is on Hulu/D+, it is an adaptation of one of Jilly Cooper's Rutshire Chronicles books, which I was into for a bit way back when. In fact in retrospect, possibly you can blame all my age gap shipping problems on this very ridiculous novel. The show keeps the setting in the 80s (it probably wouldn't make much sense out of it, tv broadcasting main plot and all) which is visually and aurally very fun. David Tennant plays the antagonist. One of the large numbers of characters fleshing out the cast is played by Luke Pasqualino, because they needed an ambiguously ethnic person who could ride horses and he is obviously the perfect, I mean only, choice, every British show should hire him to be flirty on a horse so fandom can write readerfic about it.

Danny Dyer is in it, Brits, if you would like to mock me, I have only heard of this guy because his daughter was on Love Island. All the Islanders were like, omg, your dad is Danny Dyer?!? Me: *furiously googling*. Anyway I was led to believe he only plays tough guys but he is a full sweetheart in this. Aiden Turner is in it, every time I see this guy he has different facial hair and is therefore unrecognisable.

Taggie O'Hara is played by Bella Maclean who I have never seen before, but she is very pretty and I am having very on brand feelings about her, Alex Hassell as Rupert Campbell-Black is appropriately charming and cocky and good at the Taggie heart eyes.

Did I mention Taggie is disabled? Gang, this silly soapy show may have been made in a lab for me.

The zoomers watching the show are all, wait, is it appropriate to ship this? Adorable. Look kids, this story was written in the 1980s, we don't know what else to tell you. The show aged Taggie up a tad actually. But did not make RCB less of a jackass, which is as it should be.

They only adapted half the book, so there'll be a second season? And judging by Easter eggs, a non-zero chance we get a few parts of Book 3.

(Content notes: the 80s, basically. Inappropriate comments about many things - not condoned by the narrative. A sexual assault that should get a warning in the show's own content notes when that episode arrives. Also just generally, rated M, do not watch with anyone you wouldn't want to look at dongs with.)

Anyway you should watch the show and talk to me about it and then watch the vids to very silly 80s songs I am making, I finally have an excuse to only vid retro pop lol. Also I'm realising I never read the whole novel series and now there's 14 of them apparently, I should definitely not go back and do that hmm.

*

I have therefore gone back to tumblr to look at gifs and I'm kind of mad about it.

*

Also obsessed with this season of The Wheel of Time, all my faves are perfect. 😭

*

I could add more random thoughts but I guess that would make the post less gratuitous. 😂

Current Mood: giggly

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: peaceful

james

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princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: surprised

musesfool

I have not yet been able to gather my thoughts about The Pitt's season finale, but

serrico has some great thoughts here and

siria has some here.

I also have a bunch of links (spoilers everywhere!):

+ The Pitt’s Noah Wyle & Co. Talk Taking Robby to the Very Edge in Finale and ‘Getting Mentally Healthy’ in Season 2

+ The Pitt’s Shawn Hatosy Loved Abbot at First Sight

+ ‘She Just Needs Therapy and a Hug.’ The Pitt’s Isa Briones doesn’t need you to like Dr. Santos but hopes you can empathize with her.

+ The Pitt Season 2 Premise [spoiler] and Premiere Month Confirmed

+ ‘We Try to Keep the Sensationalism to a Dull Roar’ As The Pitt shuts down season one, the next shift is taking shape for creator R. Scott Gemmill.

+ The Pitt’s Next Shift

I really need to get some icons for this show.

***

And today's poem:

Letter to My Great, Great Grandchild

after Matthew Olzmann

Oh button, don't go thinking we loved pianos
more than elephants, air conditioning more than air.

We loved honey, just loved it, and went into stores
to smell the sweet perfume of unworn leather shoes.

Did you know, on the coast of Africa, the Sea Rose
and Carpenter Bee used to depend on each other?

The petals only opened for the Middle C their wings
beat, so in the end, we protested with tuning forks.

You must think we hated the stars, the empty ladles,
because they conjured thirst. We didn't. We thanked

them and called them lucky, we even bought the rights
to name them for our sweethearts. Believe it or not,

most people kept plants like pets and hired kids
like you to water them, whenever they went away.

And ice! Can you imagine? We put it in our coffee
and dumped it out at traffic lights, when it plugged up

our drinking straws. I had a dog once, a real dog,
who ate venison and golden yams from a plastic dish.

He was stubborn, but I taught him to dance and play
dead with a bucket full of chicken livers. And we danced

too, you know, at weddings and wakes, in basements
and churches, even when the war was on. Our cars

we mostly named for animals, and sometimes we drove
just to drive, to clear our heads of everything but wind.

--JP Grasser

***

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Mets vs A's on tv

james

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siria

( One of Them Days )

( The Pitt, S1 )

china_shop

Andrew and I were talking about the Narnia books. He hasn't read some of the middle ones, and I was all, "Oh, you should try The Silver Chair. It's really interesting, and it has a great Eeyore character."

him: Oh, yeah, Pond-drizzle.

Consider the dangers of listening to Brandon Sanderson's lectures on plot, while attempting to write a < 4k exchange fic.

My eyesight is getting noticeably worse, and I'm dreading the day I can't start the morning reading my phone and seeing the texture of my cat's russet-black fur as I stroke her, without glasses.

I realised that I listened to Me & AU (f/f podcast about two fans and their new tiny fandom) as a mood enhancer. The POV character is going through some big emotions, but her affect is upbeat in a distinctly fannish way, and I enjoy how that bleeds into my own behaviour (right up until it wears off).

I wrote a little Murderbot flashfic for petra yesterday: Known Issues (432 words, G-rated gen; fan_flashworks link). Look at me being not 100% mono/duofannish!

Speaking of which, I wrote a ridiculous mess of a fic for the last fan_flashworks round: Untitled Cat Story (The Time of Fever, Go Hotae/Kim Donghee, 2.5k, G-rated, coming out to a parent, sort of implied cat shape-shifter idek; AO3 link). Note to self: if you want to set up a shape-shifter scenario in an otherwise real-world setting, and you want to keep the story short, maybe stick with the affected character's POV, lol.

musesfool

Today's poem:

NASA Video Transmission Picked Up By Baby Monitor

Instead of her little one nestled between the purple
elephant from Aunt Meg and the blanket knitted
by Tricia, the new mother glances up to see a space
station—tattooed by a meteorite—
now plummeting toward Hamtramck, Michigan.

Maybe she feels the same terror I felt when I sat
in a theater as a child. A man in a black tuxedo
staggered across the stage, removed his gloves
and tossed them into the audience, gloves as black
as piano keys that shrieked above us, became
two fuming ravens that flapped around the room
and circled the chandeliers. Plato says
we live in a cave and stare at a wall of shadows
cast by the light outside. We name the shapes
and believe them real. Turn around and the sun
blackens the pupil. I've known people, afraid of the sun,
who opened their eyes to God, but found only
a wine cellar lit by a guttering lamp. There's so much
to be afraid of, so much to gaze at and be wrong about.

How many shadows are left to name? Logophobia
is the fear of words. Keraunothnetophobia
is the fear of falling man-made satellites. Imagine
how a woman might walk out and look to heaven
for the sky lab plunging down on her—
wires everywhere, bolts loosening, metal body in flames.
But, she sees only blue, endless blue, the color
of a baby's new blanket, cloaking everything.

--Matthew Olzmann

***

As I may have mentioned, I love pretzel rolls, so I decided to take a stab at this recipe since her peasant bread recipe is so easy, and the rolls are good! (pics) But the timing is so weird. First of all, using cold water instead of warm is odd, and I guess contributes to the EIGHT TO TEN HOUR first prove. On the counter, not in the fridge. I mixed up the dough last night around 10 pm, and set my alarm for 8 am so I would be up in time to set it up for the second rise, which takes FOUR TO FIVE HOURS. (then I went back to bed for a couple of hours.)

I'm not sure why I think the timing is so weird - I guess a 12 hour/overnight proof in the fridge would make sense and also be fine timing-wise - you could do it at 9 pm and get up at 9 am without worrying, because the fridge is going to inhibit the rise enough that it won't overprove. But 8 to 10 hours means starting at 8 am means you don't start the second rise until 4pm and then they have to prove for another 4 hours at least? I guess it's meant for people who get up earlier than me. Idk.

Otherwise it was easy enough, except for getting the dough balls neatly out of the tray and into the water, so I couldn't keep them the nicely round shapes. Since they're just for me, and like the recipe author's kids, I can't be bothered to make sandwiches when I can eat them on their own or with butter, I don't really care, but it would be nice for once if something I made looked as good as it tasted. *hands* I'll probably go back to the King Arthur recipe I've used previously, though - it takes much less rising time.

One thing I will recommend, if you are someone who makes a lot of bread but doesn't always use a mixer, is a dough whisk. I'm not a huge fan of single-use kitchen gadgets, but I find this weird-looking thing really good for mixing up dough and getting it to come together without having to use the mixer or my hands.

***

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Mets vs A's on tv

siria

Meet the McKays
The Pitt/Stargate Atlantis | ~1500 words | Cassie, John/Rodney | Thanks to

sheafrotherdon for betaing. Blowing off the dust on the SGA tag for this one.

(Also on AO3)

( Cassie has a family reunion of sorts. )

musesfool

Still processing the season finale of The Pitt (it was SO GOOD) so thoughts to come at some later date.

Here's today's poem:

Goodnight
by Li-Young Lee

You've stopped whispering
and are asleep. I go on listening

to apples drop in the grass
beyond the window. Earlier we tried to guess

each fall's moment, but neither kept up
that little game of hope

or fear for long. Now your weight
against me is like … I was about to say

like no other, unmistakably
human, my son's. But, truth is, you're simply

heft. Burden like, say, grain,
your body brings my body pain,

your shoulders, knees, elbows, hands,
lumpy like sacked fruit, and

whatever concord is
actual between us is

not easily meant,
but is so only by our diligence.

I recall a far
season of flowers

when, for love, I crept to the edge of a roof to reach
a petal-decked branch.

It snapped, I
dropped, screaming down sky

and flowering. My father yelled
my name, ran out to find me sprawled,

dazed, gripping his crushed gift, thrust
at him in my bloody fist.

He plunges below us now, as we
fall soundless toward him, our bodies

crowded on your narrow bed,
my arm and leg gone numb, your torso wedged

between the wall and me.
You sleep uncomfortably,

though comforted by my
presence, for which you cry

some nights, and which you, such nights, endure.
Where did you, so young, learn

such sacrifice? Now
I no longer hear the apples fall. But how

they go! Incessantly, though
with no noise, no

blunt announcements of their gravity.
See!

There is no bottom to the night, no end
to our descent.

We suffer each other to have each other a while.

***

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Fever - Rita Moreno & Animal in a clip from the Muppet Show

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: nostalgic

james

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princessofgeeks

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musesfool

I spent all of yesterday thinking it was Thursday and was mighty disappointed when it wasn't, which means I also forgot to do a Wednesday reading post, so here we go:

What I've just finished
A Drop of Corruption by Robert Jackson Bennett, which absolutely lives up to the first book and which I enjoyed tremendously, though I wish I had not been eating when I read parts of it, because the body horror is real and it is regular. I can't wait to see where Din and Ana go next!

Finlay Donovan Is Killing It, which is a breezy story about a writer who gets mistaken for a contract killer and ends up involved in some shenanigans of the criminal sort. It's a fun, fast read you shouldn't think about too hard.

What I'm reading now
Finlay Donovan Knocks 'Em Dead, which is the first sequel to the above, and so far it is more of the same, though ( spoiler ) I definitely want to know more about Vero and her cousin Ramon, so I hope that comes up in this one.

What I'm reading next
Again, I have spent so long in a book-reading drought these last 5 years that I'm just happy to be here again, so I cannot say.

And now, today's poem:

The afterlife of fame
By David Trinidad

is dark
a neglected mansion

with vanishing court
rats in the empty pool

and antiquated actress
languishing

as ghost of her famous self
flickers in the projector's beam

or framed in silver
haunts every room

Face unrecognizable?
Name forgotten?

O float me to Oblivion
in my swan bed

with my bandaged wrists
and doors shorn of locks

with swirl of my cigarette smoke
and glitter of my jewels

and silent flutter
of my weightless tulle

***

In other news, I baked some bread (I started it at the end of my lunch hour at around 3 pm) and I am waiting for it to be cool enough to eat - it smells so good I want it now!

***

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Rio - Duran Duran

princessofgeeks

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Current Mood: depressed

musesfool

So the dentist prescribed extra special toothpaste for sensitive teeth, but they didn't have any at the office. They sent the prescription to a CVS on Queens Blvd, but not the one closest to me, and the pharmacy texted me to let me know the prescription was not covered by my insurance, did I still want it? I called and said, how much is it? And it turned out to be $30 without insurance so I said, yes. And then they told me they didn't have it in stock, to come today to pick it up.

So after a long afternoon of meetings, I ordered a Lyft to take me to this pharmacy somewhere on Queens Blvd, and when I got there, they told me they didn't have it. But, said the cashier, I see that they told you to come today, so please step down to that window to speak with the pharmacist. So I stepped down to the window and the pharmacist said, we don't have this brand, maybe there's one left at the CVS in Bayside? And I was like, I'm not going to Bayside for toothpaste, so she called the dentist's office and asked if the generic brand they had on hand - which apparently has the same exact ingredients - would suffice, and I guess they told her yes, because she sent me back to wait in the pick-up area for my name to be called. Which it was eventually, and I got my generic brand prescription toothpaste and it only cost $10 so I guess insurance covered the generic version at least. *hands*

After all that, I really hope it helps.

***

Here's today's poem:

All I Have To Say For Myself
by Mindy Nettifee

The last time you came to see me
there were anchors in your eyes,
hardback books in your posture.
You were the five star general of sureness,
a crisp white tuxedo of a man.

I was fiddling with my worn coat pockets,
puffing false confidence ghosts in the cold January air.
My hands were shitty champagne flutes
brimming with cheap merlot.
I couldn't touch you without ruining you,
so I didn't touch you at all.

It's when you're on the brink of something
that you lose your balance.
You told me that once.
When I can't bring myself to say what I need to,
my heart plays Russian Roulette with my throat.
I swear I fired that night, but, nothing.

Someday, I'll show you the bullet I had for you,
after time has done the wash.
I'll take it out of the jar of missed opportunities.
We'll hold it up to the light.
You'll roll it around your mouth like a fallen tooth.
You won't forgive me exactly,
but we'll laugh about how small it is.
We'll wonder how such a little thing
could ever have meant so much.

***

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: What the Water Gave Me - Florence + the Machine

james

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james

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runpunkrun

A global catastrophe, a people who can control rock and lava and must hide who they are or be enslaved—or killed—and a story that starts out like fantasy, turns into the kind of science fiction where advanced technology left behind by earlier civilizations might as well be magic, and then circles back around to magic. Just as this is both science fiction and fantasy at once, the tenor of the second person POV similarly slides back and forth over the course of the series, telling two stories with a single voice.

It's brutal and incredibly engrossing, with detailed worldbuilding, interesting voices, and complex characters. The ways these people love each other is bananas.

Don't read the blurbs because they have spoilers, but do read these books one after another for maximum effect, and know that there's a glossary in the back that I only found once I was finished with the first book. It would have been helpful while I was still reading, but thanks to the excellent and immersive writing, I sussed out all the meanings on my own.

Highly recommended, though the content will be a dealbreaker for some. A child dies violently at the hands of his father on the first page, and it haunts the rest of the book, though that's only the beginning of the tragedy.

Contains: climate apocalypse; violence; child harm—including sexual abuse—and death; a literal caste system with institutionalized slavery, forced breeding, eugenics; a world where brown skin is the default; generational trauma; polyamory; transgender supporting characters; second person POV; animal harm; amputation; references to cannibalism.

( Status Updates from Goodreads )

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